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| it's nice when i see people reblog or quotes the things i write .
it helps me remember that i'm not the only one who's affected by high school , boys , being a teenager , & other hormones .
it makes me smile .
<3
Visible Roots.
^ click . | | |
| well , i guess this blog haaad to come haha .
random thoughts coming your way !
(it's very late & i'm being very random , so bear with me)
needless to say , camp was amazing .
God is truly great .
i didnt know what to expect out of this camp , honestly .
i just came with all my faith & trying to be as spiritually as i possibly could be .
& camp was .. wow .
honestly , about half way through the camp ,
i started feeling numb .
i wasnt as whole hearted about the camp as i was before .
& i didnt know why .
well , actually , i did .
there was something distracting me so bad ,
i was irritated with things ,
i was running on 3 hours of sleep ,
& i was just . ugh .
i dont know .
but during empowerment ,
man .
i dont think ive ever cried so much during a camp .
God was talking through everyone around me .
& i just had to let go of everything that was holding me back .
these two sisters came up to me first , to pray over me .
& everything they said ,
everything they prayed ,
really hit me .
i wasnt just crying .
i was sobbing , balling ,
i was letting go .
i was feeling God .
i was seeing what He had in store for me ,
& what He had in store for South Bay ,
for us .
i was smiling .
it was great .
i still feel everything in that empowerment right now .
i left camp not really knowing how i felt about it .
which is why i didnt want to write about it until now .
i think the only way of knowing if camp was a success ,
if we really accomplished our goals ,
was seeing how everyone was after camp .
was seeing how everyone took it in ,
& if they really used it & if they really are making an effort to bettering themselves & their relationship with God .
& i think i can firmly say ...
camp was a success .
this past week , i've been talking to the participants as much as i can ,
& even to a few of the service team members ,
& it's so heart warming to see how much everyone has grown .
just from one weekend .
you can really see God in everyone .
at our cluster assembly ,
everyone was so into it .
& not just south bay ,
but all of socal .
God is so good .
God is so great .
i miss camp so much .
i think the only word that i can use to describe it is ..
amazing .
Praise the Lord for everything He has blessed us with .
this is the start of a new generation . | | |
| other things !
*i'm purposely posting this blog before my camp blog , so that my camp blog is the one on top , btw . :]
my little sister made me cry today .
hahaha .
it was very unexpected .
she had gotten into a fight with her .. significant other ? yeah .
& at first i just sat in silence , listening to her vent .
then i told her ,
"pray ." & "i know it's hard , but it's okay ."
& then came ,
"you're both so young . you have your whole lives ahead of you . if God really wants you guys to be together , if it's really in His plan , then it'll happen .
but i think , if youre not completely happy , you shouldnt stay in this situation . you shouldnt put yourself through this ..."
& that's when i started crying .
& she goes ,
"why are you crying !?"
& i said ,
"because i feel like i'm talking to myself too ."
earlier today , i was talking to ANOTHER sister , haha .
& i was telling her how hard it still is for me .
& i dont feel like i should even like anyone right now , in that way ,
because i dont feel like i can give that person my all .
a huge part of me isnt here anymore .
i dont want to say missing , because i know where it is .
& I KNOOOW i'm still young ,
but it's still hard .
& i'm doing my best to just let it go .
but i dont know .
blame my hormones .
because i've let out all my anger & that wanting-to-punch-people's-babies feeling ,
i'm just stuck in the i'm-really-hurt-&-i-miss-having-you-around feeling .
but then i remember how most of the time ,
i just wasnt happy .
& i'm really pushing myself to let go of everything .
it's easy for me to say i dont miss him ,
that i dont care .
but honestly ?
how can i not ?
& this is just me venting .
i just really want to let everything out .
& hahah ,
i really wanted to put the music video up ,
but youtube wont let me . :[
so here's a link !
Nothing But A Miracle - Diane Birch
& this is the actual song ,
Nothing But A Miracle - Diane Birch
i saw the video on the airplane on my way home from hawaii (which i'd also blog about , but ... naaaah .)
but it really caught my attention .
& idk , it's really helping out i guess .
i dont know ! i like this song .
hahaha . | | |
| camp is sooooon .
i'm excited .
but i'm starting to get nervous now , haha .
maybe a little bit worried ?
idk , but that's normal right ?
prayer is your strongest weapon . | | |
| my best friend & my ading thought i should post this .
sorry to put you on blast like this .
ROLLERCOASTER
this rollercoaster just wont let me get off / & it’s driving me kind of crazy / a part of me wishes you would just hate me / so maybe it’d be enough to make me jump / let go of all of this & let my heart pump / normally / without worrying about my formality / the way I talk / the way I dress / I just need a rest / I’m starting to get sick / all of these sharp turns & huge falls / & then up / & then going through it all / once more / & I don’t even know what we’re doing anymore / & the only thing that keeps me around / is the feeling that I found / that night / when it all just felt so right / even if we broke all the rules / you knew just what to do / with your hands / & your lips / you were my first kiss / nothing else mattered / nothing else was relevant / & I didn’t kiss you just for the hell of it / that night was the top of the hill / & I just had this rush running through me until / the drop / I thought it would’ve killed me / but I didn’t get that lucky / but you apologized & I forgave / & I don’t even know why / maybe I just want to be saved / someone to fly up / & take me out of this seat / land me safely on my feet / someone to look into my eyes / hold me / & promise me / “No more rollercoasters .” / & I would never feel hurt / or pain / & I’d never have to lose / I’d only gain / & I hurt because / I know that wouldn’t ever be you / because you only think you know what to do / when it comes to a relationship with me / I want you to call & say “good morning” / then in the evening / wish me “sweet dreams” / not these five minute AIM conversations once a week / I just want to know if you think of me as much as I think of you / that maybe you’re on this rollercoaster too / then maybe you can hold my hand / & everything can go just as we planned / & I’d finally be able to enjoy this ride / with you right by my side .
i think it's better when it's heard live ,
but whatever .
oh , how i've missed writing .
editor's note : i no longer mean the last few lines . once again , sorry for putting you on blast like this . | | |
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